My Superhero is going to die soon. The woman I thought would live forever and be invincible to everything is dying. I never thought it was even possible. I grew up, like any child, thinking parents were incapable of dying. In fact, I'm still in denial. I keep thinking she's going to come home with me and dad like she's always. It still hasn't sunk in. My sister feels the same way.

Who is my Superhero? My mom.

Yes, my mom is currently in a coma state. I just emailed my professors at school, saying I probably won't be in class this week. Here's my situation (some copy and pasted from the email I sent them): My mother, whose diabetic, had a stroke this past Friday after dialysis treatment. We took her to the hospital but she slipped into a coma-like state because she developed a blood clot in her brain. She's permanently brain damaged and can't talk since the clot is deep in her left brain. She only moves out of reflex. We've been talking to the doctors lately and they gave us the option to do surgery. However, at best, she'll remain mentally retarded for life or turn to a vegetable. Worse, she'll be in pain throughout it. We've decided not to put her through that. Because her body requires dialysis treatment tomorrow, the doctors will dialysize her one last time. After that, she'll be transferred to Hospice where they'll inject morphine and other drugs into her, just enough so that she can die without any pain. This has been a difficult decision and situation for me. Tomorrow will be worse since my dad will have to sign the papers to finalize this decision.

I was there when she 'lost herself.' At the time of her stroke, I didn't know what happened. It was very subtle, actually. She came home after dialysis, took a bath, and slept for an hour on the couch in the living room. I was typing in my computer in the living room, watching her sleep from time to time. Then she woke up and tried to stand. Since she came from dialysis, I figured she felt too weak to get up, so I went over to help her. Suddenly, she couldn't talk well. I almost laughed because she looked up at me with a funny look on her face (half of it was slack). At the time, I thought was joking around and making that face on her own. But then her voice was slurred and her right arm went limp and she wasn't listening to me anymore. I tried lifting her up but she couldn't and she fell to the ground. I woke my up my dad (who was sleeping at the time). That's when things kept getting worse.

We took her to a downtown hospital. I guess somewhere between the ambulance ride, I lost. No longer was she the mother I grew up with. All I saw was a woman who looked like my mom, who kept moving uncontrollably, not recognizing me AT ALL. God, I never thought I'd see the day my mom didn't recognize me. My mother was basically reduced to a baby, moving and making moan sounds (she no longer moans anymore)

I don't want my mom to suffer anymore. Neither does my dad or sister. Right now, my dad is having an emotional breakdown. I can't believe the woman I saw as my personal Superhero is going to die. I guess I'm able to write this now because my mind keeps thinking she's NOT going to die. Instead, it thinks she's going to wake up just fine and come home with us. I guess ignorance is bliss because I know the moment it hits me (like it has throughout these few days), I don't know if I'll be able to live. My mother has always been my inspiration and there have been many promises I made to her that I can no longer show to her now. My mother was my Superhero and Superheroes aren't supposed to die.